Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
