i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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