i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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