Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
