Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
