I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
