he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
