Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
