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Fuck
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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