My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
