I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
