What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
