What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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