I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
