pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just had sex on a roof
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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