youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
