I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
