so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
