Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
