then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
