When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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