I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
