found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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