I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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