he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
