i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
