Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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