dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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