Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
