First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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