So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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