Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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