drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
