Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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