I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
