I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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