my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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