The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she smelled like a LAN party
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
