bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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