i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
