A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
