there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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