I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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