I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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