What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
