we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
