She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I looked at my own cervix.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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