Jerry, you need to find god
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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