Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
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