Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
