you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
where are you?
Hypothermia
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
